Yeah! I'm no genius when it comes to giving tacky or catchy titles! :P Well, I'm not THAT bad but I can't be asked! :-/ Today is not a very exciting, fun-filled day! Just a cloudy Wednesday in Oxford! I've finally started to eat food that's started going bad! This always starts a few day's after amma makes her way to India! Each time she goes I ask her not to cook anything for me but she obviously, cooks every vegetable she possibly can (yup! I'm more of a veg fan than the non-veg's. Have got a bit tired of the non! It's all right occasionally but not on a daily basis.) She does this to free herself of the guilt of leaving me alone in England and making her way to India every few month's to see appa. What do I end up doing? I embark on a race to try and finish everything off before it starts going bad! My problem is that I was brought up in a house where we were strictly prohibited from throwing food away. I thought of all the kid's who couldn't have a day's meal, either because they couldn't afford it or because they didn't have access to any food which they could buy. This meant that I even ate food that has started going bad which eventually leads to tummy upset; all for a clear conscience! Today's breakfast was 2 slices of toasted brown bread with carrot thoran (south-indian dish) I usually love it but the carrot thoran has lost it's taste which means it is in the first stage of going bad! Still haven't finished my breakfast and have been sitting with it for more than an hour! The lack of taste has curbed my appetite but will I throw it away? Definitely not, I will eat it; eventually! Yesterday, half a bottle of curdled milk went down the drain. Now that was something I couldn't do anything about. I have a cold and the only way milk enter's me during that time is through coffee but I use very little milk in my coffee. Always need a dark brown mug of coffee, if I can be asked to drink it, that is! I'm not much of a coffee-tea drinker. I do have the occasional cups but that's when I need to warm myself up after a shower or after a walk in this frigid country! But I usually opt for a sugar-free mug of green tea or a mug of different flavour-infusion's when I'm cold. All this is not because I am a health-addict! It's just that I believe being addicted to caffeine is the same as being addicted to nicotine or alcohol! I've seen how my mum can't go an evening without a cup of tea. She get's a headache! Plus, my appa and brother ain't much coffee-tea consumer's. So I'm used to not having them.
So, how has my day been so far? Not too good. Yesterday's problem's have sort of carried on. I was asked out by a guy. Why did I say no to him? I know what I have for him is pure infatuation and I believe it's the same in his case. You see, there ain't many people my age out here; i.e., from Kerala. So you end up having those kind of emotion's toward's anyone your age. Especially when it's someone like me because I always open up to people quite quickly and because I've been brought up in a boarding school where there are people from different background's, I know what pleases someone and what doesn't. But that means they don't know me as well as they think they know me. I can be quite high maintenance; well not as much as many I know but you should always compare yourself to someone who is easier to maintain than you. Otherwise there won't be any space to improve yourself and a human being is never perfect. So improving yourself is an on-going process; throughout your entire life. As a matter of fact, the moment you stop doing that you have just lost the whole point of living.
I always speak out my opinion. People think it's always good. But it depends on your circumstances and surrounding's. Especially in a country like India it's not always appreciated, coming from a girl. However modern my extended family think they are there have been many instances which have made me realise that upto a certain point a girl has her limitations. She is taking a risk when she speak's her mind. Not my father, mother and brother though! I'm blessed to have a family like that. My father has always treated me with equal respect and freedom as my brother. Which is why I would never take advantage of that freedom! I've always thought that when it comes to my life I would be taking decision's for myself but I've realised recently that I am more complex than I realised. I share a mutual respect with my father. I know that if I like a guy I can make my father understand. But I also know that I will only like a guy whom my father will like because the guy I chose will have the qualities that can help me reason with my dad. Vice versa, if I don't find someone and if my dad chooses someone for me, I know he won't force me into it. He will give me my space and let me make my own decision because he trusts me with it. Having grown up in a boarding school means I'm quite independent and quite capable of taking care of myself and loved ones. But ofcourse, there are those times when a girl wishes that she want's nothing more than a man to protect her and take care of her. In my case, my father has done it quite beautifully, when he possibly could for the past 19 year's. Actually 17! He saw me for the first time when I went to Muscat after I turned 2! :P Don't ask! I still torture him for that! :D How can you not take a leave and go to India to meet your new-born daughter, being a father. Amma say's it's because there was a few problems associated with having to leave me in my mother's family's care because thing's were inconvenient for my upbringing in Muscat and my mother's sibling's weren't appreciating that their parent's just finished taking care of my brother till he turned 4 and a few month's later; me!! My grandparent's had no problem but India is, and will always be a collectivist country that follow's collectivist ideals! At times it has it's advantages; but mostly disadvantages since it can lead to lack of privacy. I prefer people following a mix of both, individualistic and collectivist ideals. It lead's to healthier family ties. I love it when many families live together. Yes, there will be a lack of privacy. But have you thought of the benefit's? Children brought up in those setting's learn to adjust with anything life throws at them. They also develop a sense of sharing and caring for each other. Growing up with people of different age groups, they will develop a sense of adjustment, sympathy and empathy. Many children in the same locality means they will have intellectual stimulation and they also grow up to become responsible individual's from having to share chores. Another very important benefit that hold's great significance in today's world: it reduces the need for instant materialistic gratification! The whole recession could have been overcome if everyone was brought up in such a way! Adult's too, are benefited. They can put forth their thought's and opinions to the elder's in the family and get a second opinion before they do anything that can be life-altering. After all, they have probably been through this and are more wise! It also gives you more confidence since you have someone else's support. I know the whole "large family situation" is not quite applicable in today's world with people having to go in search of work to different corner's of the world and thus losing touch with their own blood. For e.g., I have no clue what sort of people my cousin's in US are! :-/
Coming back to the issue at hand. So yes, my father took utmost care of me for that long. So would it be right on my part to disappoint him to please someone who I have known for what? Two years tops! He might think I'm not living my life and I'm too engrossed in pleasing other's in my family. But no, when I thought of it there would be many reason's why my dad wouldn't want him as his son-in-law, after all there is nothing my father want's more than a good future for me. Infatuation's and emotion's of those type will come and go but the love a father has for his children is ever-lasting; almost as much as the love God, my father has for me! :) (Damn! Nobody get's me like him! He's pure genius! ;D ) The reason I had fleeting emotions for this guy was only because of the loneliness I feel out here. The absence of my father and brother has left a large void in my life and these sorts of emotions are just my way of trying to fill that void but I don't think a guy who knows me for just a year and a half can understand me as well as my father. Actually no, I should say my brother! Now that guy is one awesome dude! There are things my dad could NEVER understand which my brother get's even without me having to say it out loud! I swear, the woman who get's him is blessed! I'm not saying this because he's my brother! He gives women sooooo much freedom and RESPECT! After-effect of having been brought up with someone as competitive and "equal-right's" person as me, I guess! ;D The more you get to know him, the more you start loving him. He is no hunk! But wouldn't you rather spend a life with a sensible, good-natured person? I'm not a hunk-person. It has and will always be cute over hunk for me. I learned in psychology that that is because of my personality. Women who prefer hunk's are completely the opposite in behaviour and lifestyle to those who prefer cute! (I think too much and psychology lessons help me make sense of all the nonsense I think! :D )
So, to sum it all up, what I had for this guy only arose due to the absence of the care and protection my dad and brother embodies. I was growing tired of having to fend for myself AND my mother who only complained about everything to me and never stood up and spoke her mind out loud to people. A woman always needs a man's support in one way or the other, how much ever you oppose it. Vice versa as well. Why do you think my mother keep's running to India every few month's. The moment appa find's out amma has a few week's leave he tell's amma to get a ticket to India and makes everyone else in the family believe that she is required in India immediately for something very important! LOL! Who does he think he is fooling?!! After all, I am HIS daughter and none of his sly plans go unnoticed by me! :D About time he realised that his girl's grown up, don't you think?! ;D (LOL! not going to happen! I'm always his little baby girl! ;) Not that I complain! It has it's own advantages...only a daughter can understand that! ;D )
P.S. I don't read through what I write again before posting. (too long and I'm lazy! ;D ) So if there is anything that you find offensive, forgive a 19 year old for her lack of insight and wisdom! :) I'll hopefully get there sometime in the future! This is more like a diary for me than an article.
So, how has my day been so far? Not too good. Yesterday's problem's have sort of carried on. I was asked out by a guy. Why did I say no to him? I know what I have for him is pure infatuation and I believe it's the same in his case. You see, there ain't many people my age out here; i.e., from Kerala. So you end up having those kind of emotion's toward's anyone your age. Especially when it's someone like me because I always open up to people quite quickly and because I've been brought up in a boarding school where there are people from different background's, I know what pleases someone and what doesn't. But that means they don't know me as well as they think they know me. I can be quite high maintenance; well not as much as many I know but you should always compare yourself to someone who is easier to maintain than you. Otherwise there won't be any space to improve yourself and a human being is never perfect. So improving yourself is an on-going process; throughout your entire life. As a matter of fact, the moment you stop doing that you have just lost the whole point of living.
I always speak out my opinion. People think it's always good. But it depends on your circumstances and surrounding's. Especially in a country like India it's not always appreciated, coming from a girl. However modern my extended family think they are there have been many instances which have made me realise that upto a certain point a girl has her limitations. She is taking a risk when she speak's her mind. Not my father, mother and brother though! I'm blessed to have a family like that. My father has always treated me with equal respect and freedom as my brother. Which is why I would never take advantage of that freedom! I've always thought that when it comes to my life I would be taking decision's for myself but I've realised recently that I am more complex than I realised. I share a mutual respect with my father. I know that if I like a guy I can make my father understand. But I also know that I will only like a guy whom my father will like because the guy I chose will have the qualities that can help me reason with my dad. Vice versa, if I don't find someone and if my dad chooses someone for me, I know he won't force me into it. He will give me my space and let me make my own decision because he trusts me with it. Having grown up in a boarding school means I'm quite independent and quite capable of taking care of myself and loved ones. But ofcourse, there are those times when a girl wishes that she want's nothing more than a man to protect her and take care of her. In my case, my father has done it quite beautifully, when he possibly could for the past 19 year's. Actually 17! He saw me for the first time when I went to Muscat after I turned 2! :P Don't ask! I still torture him for that! :D How can you not take a leave and go to India to meet your new-born daughter, being a father. Amma say's it's because there was a few problems associated with having to leave me in my mother's family's care because thing's were inconvenient for my upbringing in Muscat and my mother's sibling's weren't appreciating that their parent's just finished taking care of my brother till he turned 4 and a few month's later; me!! My grandparent's had no problem but India is, and will always be a collectivist country that follow's collectivist ideals! At times it has it's advantages; but mostly disadvantages since it can lead to lack of privacy. I prefer people following a mix of both, individualistic and collectivist ideals. It lead's to healthier family ties. I love it when many families live together. Yes, there will be a lack of privacy. But have you thought of the benefit's? Children brought up in those setting's learn to adjust with anything life throws at them. They also develop a sense of sharing and caring for each other. Growing up with people of different age groups, they will develop a sense of adjustment, sympathy and empathy. Many children in the same locality means they will have intellectual stimulation and they also grow up to become responsible individual's from having to share chores. Another very important benefit that hold's great significance in today's world: it reduces the need for instant materialistic gratification! The whole recession could have been overcome if everyone was brought up in such a way! Adult's too, are benefited. They can put forth their thought's and opinions to the elder's in the family and get a second opinion before they do anything that can be life-altering. After all, they have probably been through this and are more wise! It also gives you more confidence since you have someone else's support. I know the whole "large family situation" is not quite applicable in today's world with people having to go in search of work to different corner's of the world and thus losing touch with their own blood. For e.g., I have no clue what sort of people my cousin's in US are! :-/
Coming back to the issue at hand. So yes, my father took utmost care of me for that long. So would it be right on my part to disappoint him to please someone who I have known for what? Two years tops! He might think I'm not living my life and I'm too engrossed in pleasing other's in my family. But no, when I thought of it there would be many reason's why my dad wouldn't want him as his son-in-law, after all there is nothing my father want's more than a good future for me. Infatuation's and emotion's of those type will come and go but the love a father has for his children is ever-lasting; almost as much as the love God, my father has for me! :) (Damn! Nobody get's me like him! He's pure genius! ;D ) The reason I had fleeting emotions for this guy was only because of the loneliness I feel out here. The absence of my father and brother has left a large void in my life and these sorts of emotions are just my way of trying to fill that void but I don't think a guy who knows me for just a year and a half can understand me as well as my father. Actually no, I should say my brother! Now that guy is one awesome dude! There are things my dad could NEVER understand which my brother get's even without me having to say it out loud! I swear, the woman who get's him is blessed! I'm not saying this because he's my brother! He gives women sooooo much freedom and RESPECT! After-effect of having been brought up with someone as competitive and "equal-right's" person as me, I guess! ;D The more you get to know him, the more you start loving him. He is no hunk! But wouldn't you rather spend a life with a sensible, good-natured person? I'm not a hunk-person. It has and will always be cute over hunk for me. I learned in psychology that that is because of my personality. Women who prefer hunk's are completely the opposite in behaviour and lifestyle to those who prefer cute! (I think too much and psychology lessons help me make sense of all the nonsense I think! :D )
So, to sum it all up, what I had for this guy only arose due to the absence of the care and protection my dad and brother embodies. I was growing tired of having to fend for myself AND my mother who only complained about everything to me and never stood up and spoke her mind out loud to people. A woman always needs a man's support in one way or the other, how much ever you oppose it. Vice versa as well. Why do you think my mother keep's running to India every few month's. The moment appa find's out amma has a few week's leave he tell's amma to get a ticket to India and makes everyone else in the family believe that she is required in India immediately for something very important! LOL! Who does he think he is fooling?!! After all, I am HIS daughter and none of his sly plans go unnoticed by me! :D About time he realised that his girl's grown up, don't you think?! ;D (LOL! not going to happen! I'm always his little baby girl! ;) Not that I complain! It has it's own advantages...only a daughter can understand that! ;D )
P.S. I don't read through what I write again before posting. (too long and I'm lazy! ;D ) So if there is anything that you find offensive, forgive a 19 year old for her lack of insight and wisdom! :) I'll hopefully get there sometime in the future! This is more like a diary for me than an article.
